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How Many Cats Is Too Many Cats?

catCreativecommons.org/Austin Kirk

I have a confession to make. My name is Vickie and I am a Crazy-Cat-Lady.

I’ve waved a fond farewell to my thirties; a disproportionate amount of my conversations (with homo sapiens) eventually turn to matters of cat; I plan my pussy prince’s Halloween costume months in advance; and I spend way too many evenings snuggling up to what I embarrassingly refer to as (eek, I can’t believe I’m admitting this) ‘my furry-purry-bagpipe’.

I have a frightening amount of sickeningly-sweet nicknames for my furry-purry-bagpipe; I drink my coffee out of a mug that’s shamelessly adorned with cartoon cats; and I am sometimes ostracised – like the Black Death – by non-Crazy-Cat-Lady members of society.

The poor, misguided, cat-less fools.

So, my question is this: How many cats is too many cats? Or are cats like chocolate? Can we just never get enough?

I love cats. LOVE THEM. But having just one feline friend allows me to lavish all of my Crazy-Cat-Lady affections upon just one (very lucky, Scottish sounding) cat. And he has so much personality that keeping up with all of his adventures and idiosyncrasies provides me with more than enough to stay entertained.

And yeah, dealing with just one litter tray is kind of nice too.

In the big scheme of things though, I’m probably something of a Crazy-Cat-Lady-Light. I have all the flavour of a regular Crazy-Cat-Lady, but only half the calories. And I realized this for sure recently when I heard about the case of this Utterly-Loop-De-Loop-Crazy-Cat-Lady in New Zealand.

This grand master of Crazy-Cat-Ladyness has 37 cats.

37. I kid you not.

That’s a whole lotta cat litter to contend with. A whole lotta midnight-meows to wake you from your peaceful slumber. And a whole lotta extortionate vet bills to weep about.

According to New Zealand’s 3News Network, a bylaw in the Invercargill area – where Queen Craziness herself resides with her feline army – restricts the number of cats at each property to three. As a result, she is being sued by her local council.

And I think that’s a good thing, because no matter how overpowering the symptoms of my own Crazy-Cat-Lady Syndrome, I do, in some tiny brain cell in my head, realise that cat’s are not stamps. You can’t collect them.

So, back to my question initial question: How many cats is too many cats?

37 cats is too many cats.

Because, if my apartment was fit-to-burst with 37 cats, I would worry about their health and wellbeing. And that situation would also negate all the pleasures of the most important aspect of cat ownership: That intimate, cherished, excluding-all-others relationship that you have with the cat that steals your heart.

That relationship is what’s so special about being a Crazy-Cat-Lady. And that makes me proud to be a self-confessed Crazy-Cat-Lady.

That woman in New Zealand is not a Crazy-Cat-Lady. She’s just crazy.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a furry-purry-bagpipe to kiss on the tummy...

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